Sunday, December 11, 2005
"The Wedding" is a really good book, btw. I wish I had more time to read.
I am so blessed and it's funny how even after cancer, I find myself obsessing over little things. This book really makes me think about my parents and how they are drifting. I mean, I know they still love eachother, but they spend literally 24 hours a day together, without really being together. Working and owning a business together makes for a rocky relationship. All they talk about anymore is the car lot. I just wish they would realize that life is precious and sometimes short. You would think that your daughter getting cancer would snap you into reality. I only see my dad about once a week and we seldom eat dinner together as a family. My mom tries so hard to hold everything together, but it shouldn't be a one person job. I try to help, but there's only so much I can do. It seems like whatever I do seems to be the wrong thing. I love my dad when he is himself, but the only time he's himself is on vacation and the only time we are on vacation is during the flyins. I love seeing his eyes light up when he tells his pilot friends about my flying. I wish he could be that funny, lovable dad all the time. When we are at home, he turns cold, absorbed in the newspaper or the weather channel. He has a permanent frown on his forhead. I know I'm taking this all too seriously, because a lot of people are worse off than me, but I just wish my dad would realize that he has all he's ever wanted right infront of him. He needs to enjoy it while it's still there. I would rather have my dad happy and at home than sad and constantly working. I wonder if my dad thinks about these things...somehow I doubt it.